It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: How to Heal, Let Go, and Move On With Dignity (and Maybe a Little Humor)
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken
By Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola
Breakups are one of the most universal — and often unexpected — emotional challenges we face. Whether a relationship lasted a few months or many years, its ending can bring a flood of conflicting feelings: grief, anger, relief, nostalgia, loneliness, and self-doubt.
In It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, Greg Behrendt (co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You) and Amiira Ruotola offer a candid, compassionate, and often humorous roadmap for navigating heartbreak. While the tone is lighthearted, the message is never dismissive. This book meets readers where they are — in the midst of emotional upheaval — and helps them reconnect with their sense of self.
The Core Message: Stop Romanticizing What Wasn’t Working
At the heart of the book lies a liberating truth:
If it was truly right for you, it wouldn’t have ended.
After a breakup, it’s common to replay old conversations, reinterpret red flags, and hold on to hope that the relationship can be salvaged. Behrendt and Ruotola gently encourage readers to shift their mindset. Instead of seeing a breakup as a failure, they suggest viewing it as redirection — a necessary ending that clears the path for something better.
Key Takeaways for the Healing Process
What makes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken so impactful is its accessibility. It doesn’t speak in clinical terms — it speaks from experience, warmth, and humor. The advice is practical, human, and rooted in emotional wisdom.
1. The No-Contact Rule as an Act of Self-Compassion
One of the boldest recommendations in the book is to go no-contact with your ex. That means no texting, no social media check-ins, and no reaching out “just to see how they’re doing.” This isn’t about punishing the other person — it’s about protecting your own emotional recovery.
2. Closure Doesn’t Have to Come from Them
Many people wait for a final conversation, an apology, or a moment of clarity from their ex. This book reframes closure as something we can create for ourselves — by choosing to stop looking back and start moving forward.
3. Mourn the Relationship You Had — Not the One You Imagined
Heartbreak often stems from grieving a version of the relationship we hoped for, not necessarily the one we had. The authors encourage readers to see the full picture — to acknowledge both the joys and the challenges — and to release the fantasy of what could have been.
4. Make Room for Both Sadness and Joy
The pain of a breakup is real, and this book honors that. But healing also includes permission to laugh, to go out with friends, to enjoy small moments of pleasure. You don’t need to feel okay all the time — but you can let light back in, even while you grieve.
5. Falling Apart Is Part of Moving On
You don’t need to get over a breakup with grace or composure. You don’t have to stay friends. And you don’t have to prove you’re fine. The book normalizes the messy parts of healing — the tears, the doubts, the long nights — as necessary steps on the path forward.
Why This Book Supports Emotional Wellbeing
While not written from a clinical perspective, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken aligns with many therapeutic principles. It encourages emotional honesty, discourages unhealthy patterns like rumination and fixation, and promotes self-worth through healthy boundaries and self-care.
Breakups often activate our attachment system, bringing old fears and insecurities to the surface. This book meets those moments with compassion, reminding readers that while heartbreak is painful, it’s also survivable — and even transformative.
Importantly, the humor sprinkled throughout isn’t meant to downplay your experience. It’s there to offer perspective and relief — a gentle reminder that one day, this will hurt less. And you will laugh again.
Final Thought: Moving On Doesn’t Mean You Didn’t Love Them
One of the most healing messages in this book is that letting go doesn’t erase what you shared. You can honor the relationship, and still walk away from what no longer supports your growth.
You’re allowed to feel sad.
You’re allowed to miss them.
And you’re also allowed to choose yourself.
